I had many questions about life, but no one would answer them. I was searching for something more than the life I knew, so I tried to fill up the void in my heart with books: mystery, horror, occultism, mysticism, romance, erotica, etc. But the books only made me feel more empty and depressed when I finished reading them.
I spent my childhood with my aunt, who denied me love and affection. So, when ‘love’ beckoned to me through gangsters, drug addicts, and alcoholics, I befriended them, because they made me feel special and accepted.
I built a wall around myself. Nobody knew the real me; they only saw what I wanted them to see. Even when I was sexually abused by our neighbor, I didn’t tell my aunt, because I knew that she wouldn’t have believed me.
Through my imagination, I created a world of my own where I was powerful and could do all the things I could not do in the real world. Life on earth was no longer real to me.
A Distant Desire for God
I had classmates who knew God and had a relationship with Him. I admired but avoided them; although I also longed to know God, I was too busy in my imaginary world. Also, I saw Christians as hypocrites who preached one thing and did the opposite.
During the second semester of my first year in university, I visited a friend in the hostel. She was talking to someone; and listening to them, I decided to follow her to her church.
In the church, there were lots of people who encouraged me, and I heard the word of God answering my many questions. I began to believe that I could actually get to know God and have a personal relationship with Him.
A New Life and True Peace
I want to thank God for the peace I have found; for filling up my emptiness and showing me a new dimension to the word ‘love’. My depression is gone; it was demonic. God is helping me to overcome sin.
Praise the Lord!
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