In the previous article, we saw that submission is about overcoming fear and trusting in God to handle things in the home if they go bad.
But what happens when things go bad?
What if the man is irresponsible? What about cases where, for instance, he won’t take responsibility financially in the home? What does the wife do?
Who Provides for the Home?
The Bible teaches that it is the man’s job to be the head of the family, guiding its direction and carrying the primary responsibility for provision.
However, it is okay for the wife to also provide for the home. In 1 Timothy 5, Scripture shows that even children are called to care for and repay their parents (1 Tim. 5:4, 8). This tells us that provision is not always done by the man alone. There can be exceptional circumstances.
Examples of situations where a man may be unable to provide include:
- Loss of employment and inability to find work.
- Physical disability that makes it impossible to work or limits his ability to work gainfully.
- Mental health challenges, such as PTSD from war or traumatic experiences.
- Workplace injuries that limit earning capacity.
- Spiritual afflictions that hinder progress, etc.
In such cases, the wife should step in as a helpmate, even taking on the role of primary breadwinner when necessary, especially when the children are still young. She should do this gladly, understanding that marriage is a partnership.
There are cases where the wife earns more than the husband, sometimes two or three times more. In such situations, both incomes should be seen as belonging to the family, not as personal property to be kept separate. Unfortunately, many women adopt the mindset that “what’s mine is mine, but what’s yours is ours.” This is selfish, wrong and ungodly.
In past times, if a woman had a farm or trade and the man worked elsewhere, all that was earned or produced went towards the welfare of the family. The same principle should apply today: everything that both husband and wife have should be used for the well-being of the home.
READ ALSO: TRUSTING GOD: THE FOOD & CLOTHING PROMISE (PART 4)
When the Head is Bad
However, our focus here is on men who can work and provide but choose not to. Some are simply lazy, shirking their responsibilities. Others are selfish, wasting what they earn on drinking, gambling, chasing other women, or vices.
In these cases, the man should be held accountable.
Talk to His Boss
Everyone answers to their boss. You are not your husband’s boss, Christ is. “The head of every man is Christ. The head of the woman is the man. The head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3)
In Numbers 30:3–8, we see that the father has authority over his daughter: “If a young woman makes a vow… and her father hears but forbids it, she is released.”
Later, the Bible says it’s the husband who holds that authority. He can revoke his wife’s vow. But the reverse is not the case. The wife cannot revoke her husband’s vow.
You must not fail to speak to the Lord, who is his Head. If your head (your husband) isn’t functioning properly, go to his own Head, who is Christ. Doing anything else is you trying to take the Lord’s place.
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But How Do You Do That?
When you pray, do not go calling out loudly in front of your husband, “Oh God! See this my husband, change him…!”
That’s not prayer. That’s foolishness. No. Call out to God in secret. Tell Him, “Lord, You see I have submitted. You said Your ears are open to the righteous. Please intervene for me.”
Now God can move.
Scripture says, “The Lord is far from the wicked, but He hears the prayer of the righteous” (Prov. 15:29). If God said, “Submit to your husband like this…,” and you don’t, then on what basis should He intervene on your behalf? You are disobeying Him.
Let Him Step Up – You Back Down
While I agree that a woman may need to handle the feeding, especially because that is an immediate necessity, I often counsel women differently when it comes to needs like school fees.
There are times when it is better to let the children stay at home rather than immediately rush to cover that responsibility, especially if the man has the means but simply refuses to act. Let his family and friends confront him. Let them see the kids at home and know that their relative or friend is not handling his responsibilities. Usually, his conscience or pride will prod him to do the needful.
That act of letting him step up, is part of submission. Submission doesn’t mean you keep stepping out of order in a panic to fix everything. Sometimes, submission means holding back and trusting God to act.
Of course, the norm is that many women are afraid and think, “What if the children don’t go to school? What if nothing changes?” You must remember: submission requires trust, that the same God who sees your heart, who sees your obedience, is also able to convict and correct your husband.
READ NEXT: SUBMISSION IN MARRIAGE (PART 5)
Your Actions Can Bring Change
“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” (1 Peter 3:1-2)
This is how you convince a boss: by working well and being faithful. Suddenly, one day, he says, “What was that thing you were asking about again?” Then he sits up and makes changes.
It is not your control that will change him. It is your obedience that God honors. Let God see your submission and fight for you.
