CHILD DISCIPLINE (PART 7)

Start Discipline Early

“He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him early.” Proverbs 13:24 KJV2000

Discipline your child early—at the dawn of his life. When everyone else is saying, “No, he’s just a child,” the Bible says that’s exactly when you should start discipline.

Science now confirms what the Bible has always said: by ages four or five, much of a child’s brain is already formed. At that point, you can change very little. That’s why the Bible—being full of wisdom—tells us to start early, so that you don’t raise a generation full of foolishness.

There’s No “Good” Child—Only a Trained One

I remember years ago when I was speaking to a young lady who wasn’t married at the time. Currently, I don’t know how many children she has, but back then, she saw my first son—who was quite small—walking away, tottering off somewhere. I called him, “Come back,” and he came back immediately. She said, “Such a good child.” Not holding back, I corrected her, “No, not a good child—a disciplined child.” There’s no such thing as a naturally good child. What you see is the result of training.

She asked how I trained him, and I explained: there were times I had to pinch him when he disobeyed me, or flick him with my finger—something small, but painful enough to teach him. If I told him, “Don’t touch that” or “Come back here” and he disobeyed, there was a consequence—just enough to generate some pain and connect it to his action. A well placed smack, not just anywhere but where God added padding (buttocks, calves) will train all children in basic obedience if you are consistent. Not noise and empty threats.

An example of the benefits of this is that I never have to fight for any of my devices with any of my 6 children. After I won the ‘battle’, it was just a matter of words to maintain order. And I’ve lost no phone or even suffered any damage to any of my devices. I won the battles with minimal effort before they were 3 or 4.

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Discipline: Purposeful, Not Random

For younger children, the discipline had to be connected directly to the event. It should not come hours later. As much as possible, it should be administered right then. That’s how a child learns: “This is what I did, and this is the consequence.” That’s why, today, I can speak, and my children listen. It is also why I can sit in one place and still get results—because they were trained.

The Power of Consistent Discipline

6-year-old Tommy was told never to take out a packet of biscuit from the carton himself, to ensure he didn’t resort to stealing. Rather, he had to be given one by Mummy, Daddy, or whoever older person was in charge of him. A packet of biscuit was found in the waste bin, and it turned out he had helped himself shortly after the instruction was established. This warranted a penalty, which should match the crime.

Unfortunately, many parents (especially mothers!) cause a lot of confusion in the minds of their children due to inconsistent and unclear laws and penalties.

Tommy got punished the first and second time. The third time he pilfered and was caught, a parent was too tired and said, “Don’t mind him, he won’t have anything to take to school,” and went on to act like nothing happened—and likely forgot and gave him another packet to take to school.

It may not be enough to say, “You have eaten the snack that you were to take to school tomorrow,” because the disobedience and rebellion there is dangerous. Laws are not meant to be broken, and Tommy should learn this. So, positive punishment should also be applied.

I know how tiring it can be to repeatedly say and warn against a thing. And I also know how children often win by just continuing to ‘battle’ until their parents succumb. I have been guilty of what I am sharing now. But I want you to never give up the war.

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Reasonable Laws

All rules must have a good reason or seek to avoid evil. Do not just make laws and rules as you go along! Don’t be a dictator. Many parents seem to just like to command children around because they can. You should be rational as a leader, not despotic. With Tommy, stealing was the evil they wished to avoid. He was not to become a thief.

After spending time with grandparents or other relatives who spoil them, children often come back home with a renewed sense of entitlement and rebellion. When that happens, you have to re-establish your authority. It’s like reclaiming lost territory. If a child stops listening, you must take immediate action. It’s not about shouting; it’s about being clear and decisive. A single firm act of correction is better than endless arguments or incidents of disrespect. Discipline done correctly restores order quickly.

READ NEXT: CHILD DISCIPLINE (PART 8)

Discipline Must Be Measured

Discipline must be measured. The goal is not harm but correction. Measured but firm consequences teach children lessons without breaking their spirits.

Some weeks ago, we looked at how the Lord disciplines and we saw that though God’s discipline has nuances and variations, He is nevertheless consistent when He disciplines. He is not partial, and He keeps His word. He also knows when to use mitigating factors, like showing mercy to the merciful. You must always listen fairly to identify if there is true guilt deserving any punishment. Also to punish the just is not good,…(Prov 17:26a)

In the same way, when disciplining children, you must be consistent. You can start off by telling the child how many strokes of the cane to expect, and go on to administer just that.