“They were in control, and I was at their mercy. I would stumble pathetically into them and then confess to my then discipler and other authority figures. At the time, it seemed like a helpless situation from which I couldn’t escape…”
FINDING MY IDENTITY IN GOD
I recall a time when I was in the dark about my calling and purpose. The concept of knowing God’s will for my life felt foreign. I read books that promised to help, yet I remained unsure. I would pray and even fast at times, hoping to discern God’s will, but I was still clueless. Not knowing my stand with God made things even more difficult. Coming from a cessationist background, I struggled to understand God’s grace and, sadly, could not fully enjoy the things He had in store for me.
I used to believe that God disowned me every time I erred. I relied on feelings of guilt and remorse to determine my place with Him. In other words, when I felt remorseful and wept before God’s presence, I believed I was right with Him. But when I felt guilty, I assumed I was disowned.
Extreme teachings around me only added to my confusion. Some said we could sin freely without consequence because the blood of Jesus had covered it all. Others, however, painted a picture of God as a harsh, demanding taskmaster-someone I could never truly satisfy. In a way, it contributed to making God into my religious image, which kept me from appreciating His kindness as well as His severity. I didn’t realise that He wanted to help me be pleasing to Him even more than I wanted to help myself.
When I found my church family at God’s Lighthouse in 2021/2022 and committed myself to the teachings in this house, the truth began to settle in my heart. I came to understand my place with God, the different stages of Christian growth, and that, like a loving human father, God does not discard me every time I err. I learned the importance of daily running in the direction of simple obedience to His commands, and this has brought me a peace I could never buy with money.
I now have a fair idea of what God has called me to do. Though I do not yet see the complete picture or have a long-term plan for my life, and though I experience days of uncertainty, something I have learned is a normal part of the Christian journey as exemplified in Scripture, I rest in the assurance that I am walking in His will.
To be continued…
Miraculous Monday: 11th August 2025
Miraculous Monday 155
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