I can’t pinpoint exactly when I started hearing voices in my head. At first, I considered it to be another version of myself because it always spoke to me in first-person pronouns, unlike the Holy Spirit. These voices didn’t control my body, but they consciously influenced my thoughts, telling me what to say and basic things to do. More than that, they manipulated my mind by constantly introducing their suggestions. Most times, they succeeded in making me carry out their will. I began to realise how serious the situation was when I would pray and then second-guess my own words, questioning my prayers and even doubting God’s ability to answer them.
In S.S.1, I read a book about an Occult Grandmaster who gave his life to Christ. The book greatly influenced my spiritual sensitivity. From this book, I learned how to guard my body against demonic influences and understood that sexual immorality was a primary doorway for such attacks. Then in S.S.2, I started to understand that these voices weren’t mine, though I still wasn’t fully convinced. They would fill my thoughts with dirty, impure things, but I was able to snap out of them. And this happened so often.
At this point, I had already begun experiencing forgetfulness. Many times, my parents would send me on errands, but I would forget and start doing something else, lost in my thoughts. This affected my relationship with my dad significantly. He often blamed me for things going wrong, whether I was at fault or not. Over time, I began to feel rejected and worthless. I wrestled with the idea that my forgetfulness wasn’t my fault, and believed it was just how I was.
These voices reinforced my doubts, whispering that everyone, including my mother, hated me. I even started questioning why my family was supporting my education, suspecting that they were only doing so with selfish motives. This only deepened my bitterness, increased my pain, and pushed me into depression. I reached a point where I felt like I was losing my sanity. That’s when I actively sought the Lord. I remember two instances when I prayed to Him about my struggles, but I felt like I wasn’t getting anything in return. It hurt deeply. I began to doubt His love for me.
To be continued…
Miraculous Monday: 15th September 2025
Miraculous Monday 160
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