My Sore History
Externally, I was a church girl, but I was constantly dealing with a lot of issues. I had intense anger problems and would even go as far as breaking bottles. I remember breaking a bottle to stab my brother once. Sexual immorality was also my thing – I was bound. And I could hold grudges. Many times, because of the lack of stability and peace in my heart and life, it felt like I was bipolar or something close to that.
A Cry For Help
I grew up in a Christian home and I have been going to church since I was a child, attending Bible classes, Sunday School and everything in between. Unfortunately, I got introduced into sexual immorality pretty early – in my Junior Secondary school (JSS) 3. It wrecked my mind, affecting me adversely, and I grew up that way. This really got a hook on me. I kept going back. I would pray and say, “God, please help me.” There were times that I would be in the act and I’d be crying and saying to God, “You know I can’t help myself, You just have to help me.”
Hunger For Righteousness
I could tell people about God. Oh Lord! I could share Christ with others. By the grace of God, I preached to a guy and he gave his life to Christ, and yet in between, I was still dealing with my issues. At home, I lived a different life; I had friends who did not really know me. One would have to get very close to me to know the ‘real’ me. One could be my friend for years and say, “Ah! That good girl, she sings in the choir,” but know nothing else. I’d showcase only the good things about myself. This double life continued for a good while until sometime around the end of the year 2016.
I began to tell myself that I was a hypocrite, and a hunger for God began to grow within me. Usually, at the end of each year, I would take a piece of paper and write down the things I wanted God to do for me the following year. I remember that my number one request that year [2016, for the year 2017] was: “God, I want to have a very close relationship with You. I want us to be very close, not like I’m doing now where I’ll pray in tongues and still be involved in immorality.” I felt that there was something more, something I was lacking. After writing it, I just kept it somewhere and prayed about it about once or twice.
To be continued…
Miraculous Monday: 5th January 2026
Miraculous Monday 176
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