Rebecca Brown said at the beginning of the book, “The devil does not want you to read this book,” and I said, “It is fine, he should do his worst.” It was like there was this newfound courage in me that I could not explain.
I began to read the book at about 6pm in the evening; and, as I continued to read, the fearful thoughts continued to rage on in my mind; but, at the same time, I received strength to keep reading. I kept hearing, “You have come this far, keep going – finish it.”
This voice was faint but powerful enough to keep me going so I kept on. As she began to talk about the various things that could serve as an open door to the devil, she mentioned horoscopes, zodiacs, yoga, meditation and the many other things I was practising at the time, and I could feel my heart breaking like glass.
I held back tears that I never knew I still had. In all those years, I never broke down when I was heartbroken from a relationship or when I was withdrawn from school. None of these things had been strong enough to make me cry, but here I was alone in my room fighting back tears.
I continued to read the book even with tears in my eyes. I could not pinpoint why exactly I was crying, I just kept on reading and I remember shaking slightly from time to time.
Challenging God
I finished the book at about 12:00am; and, when I did, all I could do was fall on my knees in tears. I was crying like a baby. I did not know what to say or do, but I knew that I should call on Jesus. I did not know how to pray – I only knew to pray the Catholic way, but even that felt wrong. So, I began to talk.
I said, “Jesus, if you can hear me and if you exist, please help me. I do not know what I am doing with my life, and I do not think I want to know anymore. I am tired of trying to figure it out myself, so, please, take the wheel.”
I remembered the words from this song by Carrie Underwood – “Jesus, Take the Wheel”. It was the only “Christian” song that seemed to squeeze itself into my playlist of over three hundred (300) songs riddled with hate, violence, lust, and pride.
I said to Jesus, “If you do not help me, then I am at my wit’s end and I will take my life because life is not worth living any more.”
To Be Continued…
Miraculous Monday: 24th March 2025
Miraculous Monday 135
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